even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
