At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
