I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
