So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
