ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
