theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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