just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
