I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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