I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
