watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
