My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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