the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
