i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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