the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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