I need help removing her.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
