omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
