Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
