yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
