Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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