I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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