For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
