it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
