Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
