fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
