i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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