he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
