you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
