I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
