If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize