There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
