I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
