just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
