dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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