She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
