I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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