Someone shit on the floor
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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