Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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