I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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