Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
