Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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