God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
