Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
