I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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