I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
