I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
