im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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