So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
