sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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