hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
