Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
