tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am available for nakedness
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
