I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize