I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
