You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
