she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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