I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
