My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He shit in the fireplace
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
