My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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