Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize