First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
