Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
