Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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