It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
