i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize