that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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