I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
