Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
