on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize