Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize