I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bring me that man meat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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